Monday, December 31, 2012

Forgiveness

     As I look at the close of one year and the beginning of the next, it makes me a bit nostalgic.  I look back over the events of my life and come to understand that things happen good, bad or indifferent that has molded me into the person I have become. More importantly I have learned forgiveness. I am not going to get all religious because that is not who I am. However, I have learned that forgiveness is very powerful. It has allowed me to shed years of unnecessary guilt, hurt and angry. Theses are all very negative influences in my life. I have been working very hard to replace the negative with a more positive mind set. And believe it or not it has greatly helped. Do I still get angry or hurt--sure, I am still human but I have learned to forgive either myself or the ones that have inflicted the anger or hurt. It then removes the negative feelings, I can let go of them and become more positive person.

     The hardest step in forgiveness, is forgiving yourself. Wow, that is huge but after that it becomes easier.  A lot of time is wasted carrying around unnecessary guilt and hurt.

     I don't have long in this world and I'll be damned if someone is going to ruin my last years. So it is better to have peace in my heart than discontent.

     My new year's resolution is none---that's way to much pressure and I don't need the guilt when I fail at a diet or what ever.  Don't get me wrong I have goals and will achieve them but I refuse to buy into something that in the long run becomes a pack mule of guilt.

     I love my family and friends as they are the bedrock of my life. They bring my great joy and happiness. They are what makes living worth doing from year to year. They are sack full of nuts but who doesn't love a Pecan Roll* every now and then!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE--WISHING LOVE , JOY PEACE AND LAUGHTER!!

*Southerners will get that!
Please watch this video-The Gift of Forgiveness






Friday, December 28, 2012

Conversation

Have you ever had one of those conversations that was akin to the old routine of Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" I had a text conversation today with one of my BFFs from high school asking about some fellow high school class mates. I am changing the names to protect the innocent. Plus I don't want to piss anyone off! I am going to retype the conversation with all the typos for you--enjoy or just be confused-I was!

Me: Hey do you remember anything about Phonia Smith?
BFF: No I don't...tell me.
Me: I don't either. Did she date Phineas Jones?
Waiting for a reply Me: You went to look in your yearbook didn't you?
BFF: Maybe Harry and Mary would remember..let me know...phineas and i always fought about politics and rligion.
BFF: No do you want me to.
Me: No. I was teasing you. hahahaha
Me Do you remember NB?
BFF: Lol..Phonia liked my toons today...tell me what you find out...im nnosy like hat
BFF: Yes i do
Me: That's just it. Not much on her FB
Me: I guess Phonia and NB were friends in HS.
BFF: send her a fb email
BFF: Yes they were..i remember that
Me:I'm not going to send her a FB email. I hardly remember her. Plus I think she was a year behind us.
Me: You were much more popular than me. You send her an email.
Me: I just sent Harry a text.
BFF: Ok...talk to mary silly billy
BFF: Cool...nb was in our class
Me: Well Harry and Phineas were buddies, he will know.
Me: Did we hang out with her?
BFF: Yes
Me: Not much on her FB either.
Me: We did? Hmmm ok what did we do?
BFF: wwho am i sending an email to and what do you want to know so i can squeeze it out of her...lol
BFF: Phonia or nb... a little of bothh
Me: You told me to email Phonia
Me: You can one to both if you want.
BFF: ok i will whhat info do you want me to get 
BFF: Wtf..lol..im lost now...are we talking code..lol
Me: Did Phonia date Phineas? What is up with NB, her being a Jesus freak?
Me: I thought the exact f**king thing!!!!
Me: Hahahahahaha. I peed my pants!!
BFF: NB found god...do you want me to convert her to atheism...or lesbianism...your choice
ME: Are you drunk?!!
Me: Go for broke and convert both!!
BFF: no should i be...i will give me an hour..need to get..get drunk stuff...lol
Me: Go for it!! This is the best conversation I have had in days!
BFF: Can i telll her you wanted me to...hey my keyboard is f**ked up thus the big time typing errors...
Me: That's right blame the keyboard. Put your glasses on you fool!!
BFF: But if i get drunk you need to as well ten we will have a hoot...that is your word
Me: Tell who "I wanted you" to do what?
BFF: Im just following matthews exaample...pass the buck..rofl
Me: Yeah well I'll returning it for lack of postage
BFF: You are so f**cking with me..lol..how about some cheese cake..lo
Me: Cheese cake, YES. I do believe you have confused the crap out of me!
BFF: Need to borrow a stamp...i have a monroe stamp..woo woo
Me: What the hell is a Monroe stamp?
BFF: And confused the crap out of myself...lol..lol
Me: Well you are easy to confuse. You're a blond!
BFF: I don't know i just made it up..monroe stamp would be sexy sexy

You can not make the stuff up!!
Epilogue: Heard from Harry and yes Phonia did date Phineas! But don't tell the BFF as she is trying to email with her Monroe stamp!




Sunday, December 23, 2012

I Should Talk About....

      I am having an self esteem moment. I know it is childish and self center but I am just human with those nagging little emotions that distort my rational mind. So what is the issue you ask? I just I have been re-evaluating the purpose of this blog. And of late it seems that I have become more frivolous with it instead of posting my thoughts; I have moved to a more commercial theme. All for a quick moment of ego building. Yes, I know the immature pixie got me. But on the other side of the argument, all that is posted are my thoughts with the exception Lessons and Carolyn's Message.
      I should be talking about how good I feel this Christmas. This is the first Christmas since my Mother died that I felt like really having the Christmas spirit. I still miss her and if I let myself I can fall into a well of sadness but I try not to. This is the first time in quite awhile since I have some kind of a inner calm. ( I believe it is because I gave up caffeine)  Although work is still my greatest stresser.
      I should be talking about how people can cause disappointments in our lives or how your puppies can warm your heart. I miss dating and falling love with all the butterflies and the passion. Yet I would not give up one moment of the past 30 years being with the most awesome person. I love my family more than I could ever tell them. My friends (the few that I have) are my anchor in rough seas. I can hear you now, "LL what do you mean a 'few friends'?" I know many, many people but I have only a few close friends that mean more to me than they will ever know. I make sure everyday I tell the people that I love, I love you. I even tell my BFF, the old stoic woman that she is, that I love her too. She needs that.
     I should talk about what an incredible woman my Mother was even though she and I were different in so many ways, she was the force that always propelled my forward. I should talk about how lazy I am and all of my short comings but that is just boring unless I can work some humor in it. I should talk about how I love to laugh, OMG--it is the best thing ever!! (Don't be scared--laugh out loud and it's OK to pee your pants!). I should talk about getting older--the body is wearing out on me but I feel in my heart as if I were still 30 and how scary it is get older. I should talk about my childhood, which I always thought is was boring but I have now come to realize that it had moments of great interest.
      Maybe I should talk about all of that and more, maybe I will.

      I should talk about Mrs. Puddle. (Don't you just love her name?). I think I will...
Mrs Puddle started out as joke. One of the administration assistant at work is a little on the stoic side and I was teasing her about her last name one day. I was calling her by the antonym of her last name like Mrs. Lake, Mrs. Stream, Mrs. River and finally I said Mrs. Puddle. That name struck me as hysterically funny (I think I peed my pants) and laughed all day over it. I posted a couple of things on Facebook about it but decided it would be better served on the blog.
     As you know I grew up in the south (if you didn't know, you do now) and Mrs Puddle turned into the amalgam of all the good southern people and family I knew. But mostly it comes from my imagination. Mrs Puddle is the my version of the eccentric southern lady living in a small town. I just enjoy the humor and the simpleness of small southern towns. I grew up in one, so it a reflection of that. Although Mrs. Puddle is not the voice in these snippets, she is the center of the Junction.
     I mean, my gosh would you just love to meet Mrs. Puddle in person. She is out there you know. 

     Someone asked me if I would turn this into a book. I don't know--it might just turn into a collection of the Dear Mrs. Puddle notes. Time will tell. As long as there is a story to tell about Puddleville Junction and you enjoy them, I will will keep writing them.

    I should also talk about why I write better late at night than during the day. I have no clue!!

In light of my self esteem issue, if you know someone that would enjoy my ramblings, please pass along the link to the blog. (Self promoting again I see LL----Yes, because I need fans!!!).

Have a wonderful and joyful Christmas and a safe New Year!!  Love to All~

LAL

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Lessons

Here is another profound quote that I stole from my most excellent friend Terry L. Thanks for sharing with everyone TL!!
Lessons Learn in Life photo

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Carolyn's Message

From my very good friend Carolyn, no one could have said it better. Thanks for letting me share!


As we grow spiritually, we naturally become more generous. It's a quality of a well-developed person. Rather than being anxious over whether we will have enough - and rather than hungrily seeking more and more - we become more openhearted. We feel more abundant within ourselves and find that our spirit of generosity even adds to our own abundant feelings. Where we see a need, we help out.

A generous person doesn't need to shower others with material gifts. The most precious gifts are things such as paying attention to others, respecting them for who they are, and giving our time. Often a material gift is a symbol of the good feelings in a relationship. In our generosity, we also learn to receive others' gifts to us with humility and respect.

Today I take pleasure in my spirit of generosity.

From the original source, Wisdom to Know (c) 2005 by Hazelden Foundation

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
--Winston Churchill

Monday, December 17, 2012

The Children Lost

      I will speak of this only once. As a first responder (paramedic/firefighter), the tragedy that happened at Sandy Creek, was just as overwhelming as 911. There is a huge sense of helplessness, as if there is something I am suppose to do alleviate the pain and suffering.

      I can only imagine the pain the parents of the lost children are feeling. The horror of that will linger on for all of the students and teachers at that school. I hope is that one day soon they find peace in their hearts again.

      There is no rational explanation or understanding of why this happened. We only need to know that it did and we must grieve and help those suffering their loss. Then we need to pick ourselves up and do something positive, productive and meaningful in preventing this kind of event from happening again. I will not debate gun control.

     May the parents of the fallen children find solace in knowing that their children are now in a place of great happiness and love and will never suffer again.


Bless the little children for
the Kingdom of Heaven
belongs to them

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Ancient History

By request it is time to post another musing.


ANCIENT HISTORY



         Ancient history you and I
Destined to repeat ourselves
Old mistakes return to haunt us
No mystery to follow.

         A long time ago you told me your secrets
I never told you mine
You whispered into my heart
And stole my soul  

No future history will we make
No time to mend the yesterday

You call me now with aged words
I continue to fall over again
As if yesterday were today
Only you leave me in the mist of memories


The past has returned to destroy us
I should have never remembered

          And you should have never told me
Now I go into the shadows of the night.

          No future history will we make
No time to mend the yesterday

You are left with brittle memories
Alone in a past returned
Only an illusion of what could have been
Listening for a voice never to be heard.

Standing in the doorway
A breeze whispered your name
My heart ached for you
Knowing that you would never come again.

          No future history will we make
No time to mend the yesterday

Ancient history you and I
A passion lost
Gently we fade away
Leaving our memory in the wind.                 

 ©LAL
© LAL 2016

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Go into the Arts!

I stole this from another blog. It is awesome....So good, bad or indifferent (as my Mother used to say) I am going to continue to post my musings. I do hope that you enjoy them is some fashion or another.




Friday, December 7, 2012

Firelight

     I am going to share some writings I did about 35 years a ago. I am not going to post all of them at once but one at a time.  You may ask, "LL, why post stuff that is 35 years old?"  I will say to you,  "Sometimes it is good to stroll down memory lane and reflect back to be able to appreciate the present."
     The inspiration for these little missives was a good friend of mine. There was a lot of heartache in that friendship but it has managed to endure.

Here goes:

FIRELIGHT


I sit alone by the fire light watching
Flames flickering, ever reaching
The music gently rocks my heart and
A remembered scent of you soothes my soul.
We are a time gone past

A future never told                                                         

We were haunting and mystical
We were autumn and spring.

Firelight dances across my room
I see you in the shadows on my walls
Candle light illuminates the darkness and
I long to touch your face

Close my eyes I still feel your breath against my cheek
I reached out for you and in a flicker you were gone
Winter falls outside my window, covering traces of you
Flames quietly burn, as I desire your passion again

We are a time gone past

A future never told

We were haunting and mystical
We were autumn and spring.

The fire grows dim as the sun rises
I hear the song of another day
I look for you one more time
And silently the flames fade away.
(c) LAL

© LAL 2016

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012

It is almost over---Thanksgiving. But should it be? Shouldn't there a be a moment of everyday that you give thanks for all that you have , all that love you and all that you love. Yes, it should be.

I try everyday to tell the ones I love the most that I love them and I have been more than blessed to have the most special someone in my life that has love me for thirty years. I have children that I adore (even though they drive me nuts), I have a best friend that is the best and friends that are the other part of my family.  So yes, everyday in that moment I give thanks for all of my gifts.

I did not OD on turkey or any other fixings of Turkey Day. Missed out on the tryptophan nap and did not watch football nor am I indulging in early Black Friday nonsense. I  am a rebel without a turkey leg of tradition. 
So, now I will have a tasty glass of eggnog and nod off to dreamland because tomorrow I have to put up the Christmas tree!!!

Friday, October 19, 2012

What the.....

     Let me tell you that having vertigo is the pits!! I have had two major episodes of it in one week. I believe it is actually Menieres Disease. However, that spinning till you puke is not a fun ride at all--just sayin'!

     Secondly, a good friend of mine started a blog as well. Pop over and visit.  No One Gave Me Directions to Heaven.  http://noonegavemedirectionstoheaven.blogspot.com/

     I have managed to mess up the spacing on the blog. I replaced the pictures in the Mrs. Puddle entries with smaller ones as to not use so much space. Well that didn't work, now there are big blank spaces. Grumpy!

I have two weeks off for vacation and Monday is looming around the corner. I so do not want to go back to work.
Didn't get to go to the mountains this year due to school. I sure do miss them.



    Wow...this school thing is getting to be overwhelming. I really thought about quitting after our first night of the new term. The Finance class is going to do me in. It is not the work, it is getting time to do the work that is going to be the difficulty. We got a very big project to do and it is time consuming. Wish me luck!

     Not much has happened at the Junction the past few days but I am sure with Mrs. Puddle something is bound to popup. Lord only knows what will happen at the Junction with it's cast of characters which all seem to center around Mrs. Puddle.

    Time to take the spin top head of mine to the pillows.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Live or float?


     Life came easily. She was like the Mississippi, long, deep, still and powerful. On the surface, she lived life with carefree abandon, yet like the river; she either rolled around the obstacle or rushed over it. She wasn’t a truly lost soul but one without direction. It really was never hard, only inconvenient. Looking out, she often pondered what would become of her in the surreal life she created. But she knew it wasn’t truly surreal, she was just lost or too lazy to change it. She resisted the change that was inevitable. She either chose to ignore it or charged it like a ram. She preferred to ignore it.

     Like time, change is a continuum always moving forward. Change may be slowed or halted for a while but like time it will move on. Change may take eons or as quickly as a blink of an eye to happen but it will continue to evolve. She hated change, especially when she could not control change. It interfered with her pattern in life, unbalanced her sense of being. The only good change was the one she created; the one she could mold and control. She liked control. She like the freedom it brought. The juxtaposition to her control is that it controlled her, boxed her in and she became stagnant. She ignored it. She floated on her inner tube down the spring run in life.
     The South, the summers are hot, humid and sweltering. Reality to her was like the hot southern days of summer, too much heat. Being grown up was work which caused too much heat. Too much heat. Cool springs and daydreaming was not work, it was the pleasure of existing. Why would anyone want to endure that heat? She pondered. She floated. She daydreamed. She was lost.

     She had a choice. Live or float? Daydream or steer her destiny? Change was upon her and it was hers to control. Was she like the Mississippi and had the power to endure the heat. Would she choose to fortify herself for the endeavors of life? Floating down the spring run only moves in one direction, was this the only direction she wanted? She pondered. 

And then she awoke.

This is a piece I have putzing with for awhile and decided to throw it out there. The point is to make you question and to paint a picture for you. I hope I have succeed in some way. Please leave some feedback, as it only helps me. Thanks!! 
© LAL 2016

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Appreciation

As you know I am not a spring chicken, therefore I don't bounce back as quickly as I use to. To my advantage I have not broken a hip as of yet, so I can still trip the light fantastic with some good music. I may not be able to stay on the dance floor all night as I did as a bubbling 20+ year old but I can hold my own for a song or two. Of course we have oxygen on the stand by if needed. I don't have to wear orthopedic shoes yet but I do like super comfortable clothes. I have given up most vices except cussing and really try hard not to use GD but the F bomb I can drop easily. I tend to be lazy but I claim that as just slowing down. I have gone from a 78rpm to 33 1/3rpm. I am an endorphin junkie, proud of it too. However, I am restricted to a once a month massage fix. Oh but honey, it so good!!!!! I leave there weak kneed, euphoric and tingling.

I love fried chicken, even though it is not good for me, along with some mashed potatoes, fried okra, black eyed peas over rice and some sweet tea. All that goodness leaves me weak in the knees too. My BFF tells me, " L,  you should give that stuff up and come over to the vegetarian side of life." No way sister!! I love my chicken and steak!

Funny thing about looking at your mortality. As a child life goes on forever, when you peak middle age you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You asked those deep philosophical questions concerning the meaning of life. I do not have the answer to that question or other philosophical questions. But I do know this, it is to appreciate the people in your life and have brought positive meaning to it. Appreciate every day. My BFF asks me. "L, what is to become of us?" I never knew how to answer, until lately. We are to become the most of what we set forth on our journey and to appreciate the moments we have and to love with great joy and passion.

Laughter is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. I indulge in it at every opportunity. You should too. Laugh out loud and don't be afraid if you pee your pants just a little!!


Friday, July 27, 2012

Deer Moss





Always good to know that the food is plentiful for the deer.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Endorphin

I made this statement a few minutes ago. " So much to say, too few interested parties." Now here I am again sitting at the blog site and have drawn a complete blank. I blame on my endorphin high. I got my massage today. WOW!! It is the best thing ever, except for ice cream! Please get a wonderful massage and then treat with a Haagen Daz (or your favorite).

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Revelation

The past few days have been full of revelations. First,(I already knew but was confirmed) that I have no value at work. A department that I have spent 20 years at so far, has denied me a promotion that I have earned. It is not worth giving a part of your soul to something that doesn't appreciate it and stomps on it. I only have 5 more years till retirement then good bye work! Secondly, I hit me that I have no real friends except for two. I have a lot of casual friends and know a lot of people. Just a not a close group of friends to be a part of  life. This make me sad. Third, I am in the firm realization that my main hobby is being a couch potato, Now, don't get me wrong I love potatoes and they love me, but not to the point of being a slug.

My new revelation-work: they will not get the better of me. I will go to work and do my job and that's it. I will not be a door mat for these people any longer. They flushed my loyalty on that promotion. Friends: I will be joyous and thankful for my two dear friends and will them love always. I can't make causal friends be something more than they are-causal. Couch potato: taking it one day at a time. Getting up and moving and eating better. I will not give up potatoes but I will be more select in type and amount. Besides slugs leave a slimy trail and that is just gross--no slimy trail for me!!

What's the bottom line here, LL? You ask. I am going to work on turning all that crappy negative stuff into a more positive attitude. I am going to chose not to let the people that bring that negative matter affect me. Now don't fool yourself, I am not going to be a happy little fairy sprinkling happy dust from now on but I am not going to sucked down that negative vortex to the sewer. I only have so many days left in this life and I want to make them important to me and the people I love.

So there you have it!!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

OMGosh--What changes have been made!!

What has Google done?!! This really is all Sammie's fault. I started reading her blog about "The Tiny House Project" and thought I will go add her to my blog and discovered things were not as they use to be. I know what you are thinking...'LL you have not been on your blog in over a year. Had you checked in from time to time you would have seen the changes. Instead of sitting up till midnight trying to figure this stuff out.' Yes you are right, however in my defense, so much has been going on that I have not really put mind to keyboard. Plus, had I been true blue to the blog it would have been a lot of negative stuff and I am trying to vanquish those attitudes. I think my muse has returned along with my more positive outlook (mainly due to my NDE).

Let's face it, part of the real truth is that I am a bit of a closet egotist. Why write something if nobody reads it. But I don't advertise either. So, here I sit typing away with not much to say (oh a little rhyme)!

Check list of events over the past year. First and foremost, I have returned to school to earn my Master's. There must be insanity that runs in my family and I got a heaping dose from the gene pool to go to graduate school!! Secondly, 5 years till retirement, the boy got married, family vacation to the mountains (now that was too much like reality TV with those kids, who are all grown), had a NDE (near death experience) while white water rafting, discovered the wonderful world of massage therapy (I am an endorphin addict now) tested for promotion--waiting on those results, survived the little run in with TS Debby just lots of rain and lastly, I have not broken a hip!!

I am going to make a half hearted promise to visit and post more often. I am not as truly committed as my friend Sammie and ALL of her blogs. She puts me to shame in the blogoshpere. So my friends, here's to my valiant try at blogging again.

 And to my good friend Carolyn--Knock, Knock.....