Sunday, December 1, 2013

Possibilities and Fear

Possibilities. They are open doors to the seekers of adventure. All one has to do is walk thorough and make discoveries. The trick of the matter is choosing the right possibility, however life is a gamble even if you play it safe the chest.

I have always been a safe player. Mainly out of fear and fear of getting in trouble (especially when it came to my mother). Fear is a huge resistor to possibilities, and I succumb to it every day. I truly dislike this cage of fear. Rejection is my biggest fear monger. I have this fear if I walk through the possibility door of openness, I will be rejected for who I am.  Now I have a missed opportunity. Damn the luck!!

Possibilities. Some doors are very easy to walk though and full the adventure. I have had many wonderful adventures. Family and friends are an adventure in which I could expound upon for too many paragraphs. The bigger point is walking though those doors that fear lurks around like shadows. Fear is frequently related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, and I like to avoid rejection.

I survive on praise and appreciation. That is why I end up stopping what I have started because of the fear of rejection and the lack of praise (this blog, Mrs. Puddle, etc). Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking…”geesh, what an egotist!” but it is not the ego, but the reaffirmation that I have overcome rejection by the way of praise. It is not that I can’t do the work but the fear of not having the work appreciated.  This fear of rejection has kept me from being a writer, a painter, a film or playwright or any person of substance. I have lived in this walled room that I don’t even know who I am. It becomes so cliché after a time that I even bore myself. 
But I digress…

Possibilities. I may have to walk through the door to end fear and on to better adventures.